John William Waterhouse: Nymphs Finding the Head of Orpheus - 1905

i have an assignment to write an anti-love poem...easy...or is it? by way of example, we were given these shiny gems and I cannot help but share, although I don't feel particularly mad at the world for installing a holiday like this one. i feel they represent the torn angst/confused displaced passion of the everyday just as plainly as they do "anti-love": 

Why Can't I Leave You?

by Ai

You stand behind the old black mare,
dressed as always in that red shirt,
stained from sweat, the crying of the armpits,
that will not stop for anything,
stroking her rump, while the barley goes unplanted.
I pick up my suitcase and set it down,
as I try to leave you again.
I smooth the hair back from your forehead.
I think with your laziness and the drought too,
you’ll be needing my help more than ever.
You take my hands, I nod
and go to the house to unpack,
having found another reason to stay.

I undress, then put on my white lace slip
for you to take off, because you like that
and when you come in, you pull down the straps
and I unbutton your shirt.
I know we can’t give each other any more
or any less than what we have.
There is a safety in that, so much
that I can never get past the packing,
the begging you to please, if I can’t make you happy,
come close between my thighs
and let me laugh for you from my second mouth.

Danse Russe
by William Carlos Williams
If when my wife is sleeping and the baby and Kathleen are sleeping and the sun is a flame-white disc in silken mists above shining trees,- if I in my north room dance naked, grotesquely before my mirror waving my shirt round my head and singing softly to myself: "I am lonely, lonely, I was born to be lonely, I am best so!" If I admire my arms, my face, my shoulders, flanks, buttocks against the yellow drawn shades,- Who shall say I am not the happy genius of my household? A Dog After Love  by Yehuda Amichai After you left me I had a bloodhound sniff at my chest and my belly. Let it fill its nostrils and set out to find you. I hope it will find you and rip your lover's balls to shreds and bite off his cock-- or at least bring me one of your stockings between its teeth.  Lovesong by Ted Hughes He loved her and she loved him His kisses sucked out her whole past and future or tried to He had no other appetite She bit him she gnawed him she sucked She wanted him complete inside her Safe and sure forever and ever Their little cries fluttered into the curtains Her eyes wanted nothing to get away Her looks nailed down his hands his wrists his elbows He gripped her hard so that life Should not drag her from that moment He wanted all future to cease He wanted to topple with his arms round her Off that moments brink and into nothing Or everlasting or whatever there was Her embrace was an immense press To print him into her bones His smiles were the garrets of a fair palace Where the real world would never come Her smiles were spider bites So he would lie still till she felt hungry His words were occupying armies Her laughs were an assassin's attempts His looks were bullets daggers of revenge Her glances were ghosts in the corner with horrible secrets His whispers were whips and jackboots Her kisses were lawyers steadily writing His caresses were the last hooks of a castaway Her love-tricks were the grinding of locks And their deep cries crawled over the floors Like an animal dragging a great trap His promises were the surgeon's gag Her promises took the top off his skull She would get a brooch made of it His vows pulled out all her sinews He showed her how to make a love-knot Her vows put his eyes in formalin At the back of her secret drawer Their screams stuck in the wall Their heads fell apart into sleep like the two halves Of a lopped melon, but love is hard to stop In their entwined sleep they exchanged arms and legs In their dreams their brains took each other hostage In the morning they wore each other's face *respectfully copied and pasted from: poetry365.tumblr.com; www.poets.org; www.poemhunter.com; www.nerve.com

FULL MOON IN TAURUS

"It’s Neptune enhanced, for those of you who are interested in shedding a few delusions or re-modelling their values."
-key phrase for an emotional weekend of purging, purging, purging, purging....


what to do when the veil is lifted and you realize that you haven't gone as far as you'd told yourself you'd gone? a visible gap reflecting what 'is'. what you don't have, the long strides you must take to get there, who's missed.....buzz kill


next week better be all....peace turkey

happy surgearversary! (if you wanna use the quippy phrase, you'll have to take it up with julie-meow)

Yep, a year ago today was Greg's latest deep-dish brain surgery... what do you say? congratulations? I guess so, he deserves it. My big brother and his beautiful business savvy wife of one year hit a landmark. I love them both more than the miles between us, from here to Houston. (i would go on, but you know how emotional i get and all...)

*i can't make up for the fact that my most recent pics of them are from wedding '09. good looking though, huh? (Greg and Julie--kiss kiss--aug. '09 boston mass.)

*and yes... virtually all (recent) pics of greg and i don't show my face cause i've spent a lot of time over the years curling up in the comfort of older siblings...it comes with being baby sister i suppose. 

to another year of major medical headway!!!

watching...

"Nothing sorts out memories from ordinary moments. 

Later on they do claim remembrance when they show

their scars. That face he had seen was to be the only 

peacetime image to survive the war. Had he really 

seen it? Or had he invented that tender moment to 

prop up the madness to come?"

                                        -La Jetée

28 min. released february 1962. 

writer/director: chris marker

are substantial memories so haunting because we need them to withstand 

the weight of the meanings that are assigned? which images are real, 

and which do you rely upon to get you through the day? 

I have mono again

dream a little dream of me..........what a disaster. 

Killer Whale 
To see a killer whale in your dream, indicates that you need to be more social or more vocal about something. Step up and speak up. Alternatively, the dream symbolizes spiritual guidance. You are ready to explore your emotions, but you need to make the connection between the conscious and unconscious aspects of yourself.

Shark 
To see a shark in your dream, indicates feelings of anger, hostility, and fierceness. You are undergoing a long and difficult emotional period and may be an emotional threat to yourself or to others. Perhaps, you are struggling with your individuality and independence, especially in some aspect of your relationship. Alternatively, a shark represents a person in your life who is greedy and unscrupulous. This person goes after what he or she wants with no regards to the well-being and sensitivity of others. Underwater 
To dream that you are underwater, suggests that you are being overcome with emotions and are in over your head regarding some situation. You need to gain greater control of your life. To dream that you are breathing underwater represents a retreat back into the womb. You want to return to a state where you were dependent and free from responsibilities. Perhaps you are feeling helpless, unable to fulfill your own needs and to care for yourself. Alternatively, breathing underwater is analogous to being submerged in your own emotions.

Cave 
To see or dream that you are in a cave symbolizes the womb and thus signify refuge, protection and concealment. To dream that you are walking in a dark cave represents an exploration of your unconscious mind. It signals self-discovery.

Walls 
To see a wall in your dream, signifies limitations, obstacles and boundaries. There is a barrier obstructing your progress. Alternatively, the wall indicates that you are too accustomed to your old habits and way of thinking. You feel stuck. To dream that you are building a wall refers to a bad relationship or childhood trauma. You are trying to keep others out for fear of getting hurt again. 

*side note: who's seen Spellbound? huh, huh? if not, it's a must. 

I have a pessimistic view of relationships. My view has always been that you talk about it with your friends, you scheme, you plot, and you see psychoanalysts. You see marriage counselors, get medicated, do everything they can, but in the end you have to luck out. It’s complete and total luck.

- Woody Allen

Sometimes I really miss dancing.....

February heightens my 

nostalgia for summertime. 

The weather doesn't help.... 

Who loves the sun? I do! 

God bring me sunshine. 

xx